Rejection or Redirection

A few months back I experienced a trifecta of rejection.

I’d applied for three of what felt like dream jobs. All held a bonus; the ability to relocate out of my hometown. I’ve lived in this one town for pretty much all of my life and I’ve made myself a promise that I won’t die there.

Moving past screening calls to in-person interviews, I was feeling pretty optimistic about what was looking like a great new chapter for myself. A higher paying job in a new town seemed the perfect antidote for the simultaneous transition to becoming an empty nester. With my daughter moving out, I’d be living alone for the first time in over three decades. The impending change was producing a messy soup of emotions that I was certain a change of scenery could alleviate. This was the time I thought I’d been waiting for. But now that it was here, I was feeling less than enthusiastic about my baby (age 25) moving out of our home forever. In the spirit of positive thinking, attracting, and manifesting, I turned my attention and best intentions towards the dream job pursuit.

The first in-person interview for a job in a fabulous seaside town required a five-hour roundtrip drive. I listened to girl boss power music all the way there, looking forward to the lunch following the interview I’d be having with friends-like-family who lived in the area. They had so kindly networked with friends to find me a temporary place to stay if/when I got the job, and we were going to take a drive by to look at it. I felt like I was flying down the highway to claim a new job and new life, excited that I would have some ready-made friendships to engage with in a new town.

I arrived at the interview and was greeted by the head of the agency who called me by the wrong name, an innocent mistake, and led me back to her office where a couple of board members were waiting to round out the panel interview. One offered me a wet fish handshake, and all were dressed in yoga pants and hoodies. I felt overdressed for a second but remembered the role was fundraising and when asking people for money one should be dressed professionally. The interview commenced but not in the usual order. At the top I was asked if I had any questions which threw me off a bit, but I located my questions and was told there seemed to be “a lot” of them. Comparatively, the panel did not have many questions for me and in 30 minutes the interview was over. I left feeling slightly bewildered and like they were definitely not picking up what I was putting down. Six days later I got the “we have decided to move forward with another applicant whose experience more closely aligns with the specific requirements of this role” email. Hard to hear when you know your experience matches the role, you have a place to live lined up near the beach and friends who are ready to welcome you to your new home. Of course, that’s a company’s prerogative but ugh.

I moved on quickly because I’d applied for another opportunity that was also a great match. I felt confident with several years’ previous experience working with the program, and connections within the company whom I’d reached out to and had offered to champion my application. I was fairly certain I’d at least get an interview.

I followed up and followed up, assured by the outside consulting agency that they’d received my application and then requested I return to their site to answer a couple of new questions they’d added to the application. The re-visit resulted in having to complete the application in its entirety again, a 45-minute process. I communicated I’d completed their request and looked forward to meeting with them soon. Then crickets. Until the “Dear Applicant” email arrived stating they’d moved ahead with other candidates. Grrr.

My frustration was tempered by a message I received from a recruiter asking me to interview for a lucrative sales position that would not only move me out of my hometown but would land me at the same company as my best friend. Again, I felt confident that her reference would reinforce my application and I started the first interviews of a five-step process. They seemed very interested in me and the interviews were set up in quick succession until they weren’t. A week went by until the “we’ve moved on without you” email appeared. Three strikes and I was O U T.

I had been manifesting so hard that I was shocked by the outcome and my head spun thinking about what the rejection meant. What did they mean I wasn’t qualified? I have at least five years of experience in all three of the roles. I had inside the organization references for two of them. I had intuitive experience that I felt sure had led me to these positions and would direct me to the one that was right for me, kickstarting my plan to move and make more income. I was crushed and cried for nine days. My dreams felt up in smoke and I felt stuck exactly where I was.

While attempting to pull myself back together by meditating and journaling and looking for answers and ideas on how to move forward, a message from my guides came through loud and clear. I didn’t get the jobs because they were not what I was meant to be doing. They indicated what I’m meant to be is a mystic, cycle breaker, teacher, healer. This is what I came here to do and the time to step into that role is now. The reason I was denied another work-for-someone sales job is that it would make my mission a part time (at best) pursuit. I could feel stuck, or I could see it as freedom. Freedom from working someone else’s vision that doesn’t align with my integrity or soul’s desire. Freedom from activities and interactions that don’t move my soul’s purpose forward or support serving and moving humanity to greater healing. My guides emphasized this is my work and asked if I would accept the job. To do so would mean I’d have to stop playing small, step out of fear and step into faith and surrender. Would I trust the path untraveled and unfamiliar?

And so, while repeating, “faith over fear” this is the position I’ve accepted. I’ve built a new website, am writing content for it and am putting together a coaching practice to walk alongside women who are ready to reclaim their self-worth, release old patterns, and reconnect with their deepest truth as I have been working on for the past four years. I’ve stepped onto the path of the life I deeply desire. I hear it’s time to rise and shine.